The moment I describe some wordless aspect of life, I feel empowered. For example, sometimes when I look at the ocean I can sort of feel the pulses and pulls of it inside of me, similarly to how when we look at someone who is in pain we feel it inside of us. Like, if you watch a video of someone being hurt, you’ll cringe and momentarily feel like you are too. That’s why you cringe…whether you realize it or not. That happens with a lot of things, not just pain and not just people.
But what I’m saying is, I used to take that part of myself for granted – I never questioned it. There are tons of things like that. All sorts of weird mental ticks have become background. I subconsciously type words with my fingers constantly, all day long. It’s like a queue…I’ll think, “Huh, why the hell am I typing ‘Bukowski’”, and then it’s like, oh yeah an hour ago I was talking to Trevor about Bukowski. But this part of myself, that types, it is background most of the time. It has integrated into my subconscious. But to describe it, to notice it, there’s some power in that. To describe them with words, there is power in that. It’s not the answer or anything, I’m sorry for that tone. Just trying to think of stuff to write about.
Not to be preachy. Sorry. I mostly just think these things are interesting, worth sharing, you know…
(this was inspired by “This is Water”, a graduation speech by David Foster Wallace)