Let’s Pretend

You should pretend
and so should I.
Let us pretend to be all right.
Tonight, we don’t want to be alone.
But I am. I am, and it’s all right
if I pretend hard enough.
I have beer and the radio.
This is where I was meant to be,
was born to be. This moment in time
I always should have been here.
My mother and father allowed me
to come into being knowing that someday
I would be right here.
I don’t wish the feeling on them
but I know that they know it better than I.
We pretend to each other that it is all right.
“I am fine.”
“Is that so?”
“You’re goddamn right.”
And so it goes.

I won’t black out tonight.
I have to let that go
to face the evening.
Not sober. God, no.
But I’ll be there,
living the sleep paralysis
next to the dream.
No longer are they allowed
to watch me die.
That part is for me.
They must only remember the living,
disciple of the Sun,
burning at least as bright as
those who came before,
those bulletproof ancient ones.
They mastered the art of pretending
since we don’t really even know
who they were even now.
They pretended to die
or will pretend to die
just as they pretended to live,
lucid and all right.
So I come and so I go,
and it’s too bad you’ll never get to know
who I really am and want to be.
And so it goes.

(From September 2015)

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